Finding Peace for Ourselves

By Brenda Hyde

I believe as mothers and caregivers we find special strength when we need it most. However, sometimes to do to what we need to we seem to run on empty as it were-not knowing how much gas is left or if we will make it all the way. Have you found yourself waking up in the morning and starting your routine with no thought to the sun shining in your kitchen window or the birds singing in your backyard? I know I often do this. During a time of crisis it's even more so-we do what we have to and no more-especially for ourselves.

Instances of family loss, or illness, we react to the situation. We comfort, we make arrangements, greet guests, take care of our family and we do this with no thought of our own needs. This I believe is the inner strength we're given coming into play-allowing us to go beyond ourselves and what we thought we were capable of. However, there comes a point when we must allow ourselves to nurture our body and our spirit. We cannot run on empty for too long. We have "fill-up", but how can we do this?

-Ask for help! Do what you absolutely must do yourself but then delegate responsibilities to others.

-Take time for your spiritual needs. Wake up a little early to pray, read a devotional, meditate or simply sit in a quiet place and be restful. You may not feel at peace while
things are in turmoil, but in order to get to that place you'll need these quiet times.

-Confide in someone. Keeping things to yourself will only make your burden heavier. Whether it's an online or offline friend or family member, you need to have someone you
can be yourself with-someone that won't judge your feelings or try to fix your situation. You need someone to listen. Don't wait for someone to offer! Let them know you need to talk.

-Let your guard down. We put on a face when we have to- for our children, for our partners and our friends. Again, you can only do this for so long. You have to allow yourself
to grieve, to get angry, to work through the sadness or the frustration. It's better to allow this to happen rather than explode when you do finally reach your limit. Set aside those times of reflection in the morning or the evening. Both would be best IF it's possible-even
if the time is limited.

Quiet Time Ideas

-Listen to music with no distractions. Choose music that moves you whether it's Celtic ballads, gospel hymns, easy listening or classical. Force yourself to be still while listening, relax your breathing and try not to think of the "to-do list" waiting for you.

-Make your own devotional. Using a loose leaf binder make copies of poetry, short essays, quotations, scriptures or paragraphs from books you've read or want to read.
After reading the page for the day jot down your thoughts about the text-how it makes you feel, what it makes you think of. Prepare a week or month at a time.

-Take a walk. If you can leave the house in the morning take 15-30 minutes to walk. Make yourself look at the flowers, trees and your surroundings. Listen to the birds
and other noises as you walk. By concentrating on these things you give your mind a rest from your concerns. If you can't leave the house, sit on the porch and do the same thing. The point is to refresh your mind.

These things are good to do on a regular basis, but especially important in times of crisis or sadness. We can only help those around us if we help ourselves.

Brenda is a wife and mom to three living, as well as a freelance writer and editor. You can find more support and resources for family loss on her website at http://oldfashionedliving.com/remembrances.html