Getting To Tomorrow…

by Jessica Bali

Most couples say that after so many years their love life improves and they are back to having sex like they were teenagers. Hmmmm, wonder why????? Could it possibly be because those couples are actually "in tune" with the other? They know what the other likes / dislikes and they are willing to do it. Why later and not now? A million reasons really. As a newly married couple things are wonderful, you are happy and in total bliss. However, no one lives in a rose garden forever, winter comes and things will get colder.

All the sudden he is working more and more, because your bills are piling up and then you are spending time with your friends because he is never home. Gradually you grow farther and farther apart till you look one day and realize that you don't know what happened, but the spark is just gone.

Now there is a couple choices that you have to make. You can decide to work hard and regain your relationship - together, or you can just become overwhelmed over the problems and throw in the towel.

Working hard to make your relationship what it once was can be hard, but most likely the most growing period in your relationship. You will make leaps and bounds for a while and then stall and fall back what seems farther than what you came. The thing to keep in mind in those times is that you made it to that plateau before and you *can* do it again. With neglect you really don't have to do anything for it to happen, but to put the finesse into rebuilding what you so easily let go will take more energy, tears, heartache and frustration than anything that you will have done so far.

If you have to work so hard to rebuild something than why do it? Relationships shouldn't be this hard, right????? WRONG! Relationships ARE hard. They demand your time, energy, compassion, and every piece of your soul that you have! Why would you try then? Why did you get married to your spouse? Did you plan on leaving when things got tough? No. No one wants that. Love is something that is stronger than we are, physically, mentally, and emotionally. It feeds us only if it is fed first. The good thing is that once you feed it a little it starts to glow again. It doesn't take much.

If we are no longer giving the attention and detail to each other that we gave while dating, then what is left in those times when we are used to the other? I think that is why most relationships falter, is lack of loving attention, doting on, that was there is now gone.

I think that the secret of couples that are in their comfort zone later in their marriages, is that they have been through some tough times together, but their persistence and perseverance paid off. Now they are happy again and actually enjoy their time together. They don't have as many problems because, more often than not, their communication skills are better with each other. They learned while rebuilding that the key to staying together isn't what is in their actions or daily rituals, but rather in their speaking and hearing skills, sharing what they really need from the other and *fully* hearing what their spouse says.

People always ask, what is wrong with my relationship, why am I having these problems with him? Nine times out of ten anyone answering will say, have you talked to him? Communication is the only way to solve things. Both parties need to talk and both parties need to listen.

So take your time and remember what you are there for, life isn't about the car you drive or the clothes you wear, but rather whom you love and who loves you back. Your problems might come and go, but your relationship should remain constant. Love each other each day and listen, even to silence.

Author Bio:

Jessica Bali and her husband reside in Alberta Canada where they raise their 4-year-old daughter. Together, they have learned that marriage is probably one of the toughest challenges in life, but the most rewarding. She is the editor of YouMarriedHim.com, a community that fortifies marriages and offers great support for when you need it the most. For more information or to visit the site please go to http://www.youmarriedhim.com.

Jessica Bali may be contacted at http://www.youmarriedhim.com/ jess@youmarriedhim.com. Click here to view more of their articles.

Jessica Bali and her husband reside in Alberta Canada where they raise their 5-year-old daughter. Together, they have learned that marriage is probably one of the toughest challenges in life, but the most rewarding. She is the editor of YouMarriedHim.com, a community that fortifies marriages and offers great support for when you need it the most. For more information or to visit the site please go to http://www.youmarriedhim.com.